


sometimes goodbye is a second chance

by malkkins



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 05:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13357470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malkkins/pseuds/malkkins
Summary: The news of the lockout comes as a surprise, but it means that Geno won’t be forced to make a decision on a timeline. He wants to play hockey, he wants to be with Sid on the ice in Pittsburgh but he doesn’t know if he’s ready to come out yet.





	sometimes goodbye is a second chance

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first sid/geno fic so any constructive criticism is welcomed. also the italics is what is said in russian.

**August  
**

It’s the middle of the night, the sun has been gone for hours and Geno can’t seem to stop twisting and turning. He doesn’t know what’s going on with him, but he can’t help but think that it’s about Sid’s recent inquiries. Sid wants them to come out and Geno’s not quite sure if he could handle all that entails for him. He knows that Sid has very little to lose, he’s still great on the ice and his parents will adore him no matter what, while neither of them really care what the league believes- they’re too valuable for their sexual orientation to be any sort of issue.

It’s not the same for Geno.  
He has a lot to lose.

He’s from Russia, which means coming out risks his place on the Olympic roster, his ability to go home, to see his parents and Dennis- he’s getting married next year and Geno needs to be there. His parents know that he’s dating Sid, they have for the past three years, but it’s still awkward between the three of them whenever the topic comes up.

Geno signs. He sits up and throws the comforter off of him before he quietly goes downstairs to the living room. He settles into the couch, staring at the darken television while he tries to figure out what he wants to do. Geno tries not to focus on the pictures that line the mantel next to him, but he can see them out of the corner of his eye. All of them are Sid and Geno together, his favorite is the one closest to the corner armchair, to the untrained eye, it looks like they’re hugging, but in that moment, Sid is kissing his neck, whispering what he wants to do to him once they’re back home in Pittsburgh. The picture next to it is from the day they adopted their German Shepard, Dixie- Sid had called it their first family photo.

With a soft grunt, he pulls out his laptop and quickly books a ticket on the next flight to Magnitogorsk. He needs to get away, time to clear his head. His decision would be easy here, in their home together, where moments of their lives together litter every room of their house. He needs to be reminded of what he’s going to give up by agreeing to it.

He doesn’t go to sleep that night. After the confirmation flashes across his screen, he quietly goes back upstairs and disappears into the closet, packing his road trip bag by randomly grabbing the first clothes he can finds. He might even grab bits and pieces of Sid’s clothes, all of their items are intermixed nowadays. He hides the bag in the back of the closet and lays back down next to his boyfriend.

He looks down, Sid looks so happy and content while he’s sleeping. His eyelashes rest against his cheeks and Geno wants nothing more than to lean down and kiss them, the way that his curls spreads across the pillow that makes Geno want to run his fingers through it, but he settles for a light kiss on Sid’s forehead before getting under the covers and pretending to be asleep once Sid’s alarm rings at 7:45 on the dot.

They spend the day together, Sid’s oblivious to the knowledge that once he goes to sleep, Geno won’t be there.

That night, Geno presses a soft kiss to Sid’s forehead, pats Dixie’s head, and then calls a cab to pick him up from the neighbor’s address. He doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s leaving, so taking his car to the airport was out of the question. He quickly sends a text to his Mama ‘I’m coming home’ before turning his phone off. He’s aware that in a few hours, Sid will be blowing up his phone before enlisting the rest of his teammates.

He goes through check-in and security without being recognized, which is a plus but at three in the morning, the Pittsburgh International Airport is relativity empty and Geno has a hat pulled over his eyes. Once he’s settled into his seat on the plane, he quickly falls asleep. He dreams of Sidney, of their life together. He wakes with a jolt as the plane touches down in Russia- he turns his phone on, it flooded with texts from Sid, Flower, Tanger, Horny, and even a few rookies, but he ignores all of them, trying to find the one from his Mama. He sends her another text saying that he just touched down and he’ll be home soon. While waiting for the plane to taxi into the gate, he takes the time to change his phone background- it was a photo of Dixie and Sid, both of them curled up on the couch while Sid rested from the concussion he suffered during the series against the Capitals. He looks at it long enough to want to go back home, but he quickly changes it to the Pens logo and turns it back off.

**September**

The news of the lockout comes as a surprise, but it means that Geno won’t be forced to make a decision on a timeline. He wants to play hockey, he wants to be with Sid on the ice in Pittsburgh but he doesn’t know if he’s ready to come out yet. Geno hasn’t given himself any time to really think or talk about it. Natalia keeps pressing him about it, keeps asking why he’s come home so close to the start of the pre-season but Vladimir refuses to listen to any talks about Sid so Geno keeps his mouth closed and spends time at his old club, taking on a small coaching job.

It’s a night while Vladimir is at work that Natalia finally get her son to open up. Geno tells her all about how Sid wants them to come out, how Geno is so scared about the backlash that would come from both his father and his country, how he wants to keep his spot on the Olympic roster because he’s Russian through and through and he doesn’t know what he would do if he can’t play for his country.

“ _Do you love him?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Does he make you happy?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Does he make you happier than Russia?”_ The question stumps him, it’s the entire reason he’s come to Russia, to figure out if he could give up home to be with Sidney.

_“I don’t know, Mama. That’s why I’m here.”_

Natalia sighs and picks up her son’s dinner plate and starts to clean it. _“I want you happy, little bear.”_

_“Hockey make me happy. Sid make me happy. Russia make me happy.”_

_“You can’t have all three. Hockey and Sid or Hockey and Russia. You’ll always have hockey, no matter which you chose.”_

He wants to say the conversion helps, but in reality, it only complicates things. He wants all three, he wants Hockey, Sid, and Russia.

**October**

Sid only texts him once a week now and Geno never answers, but he always reads them. Sid mostly texts only about Dixie now, about how she still runs around the house looking for her Papa but sometimes, it’s Sid asking to at least text him and tell him that he’s okay. Geno feels bad, he shouldn’t have left like he did, but he didn’t know another way to do it. Today, Sid had sent a picture of Dixie in their closet, laying on top of one of Geno’s jerseys. Geno misses her, he knows that much, and he misses Sid, but he still not sure.

He knows that Sid would be there for him, no matter what Russia said to him, that Sid would hold him while he cried and would tell him that Russia is who is losing by banning him, but it doesn’t comfort Geno as much as he thought it would. He knows that Russia isn’t someone he can come home to, someone who can support him and hold him and love him, but he could always find someone in Russia who did.

But who would love him like Sidney does?

It’s a daily struggle, and each day it’s getting harder and harder to see the end line. Geno knows that lockout is going to end soon and he’s going to have to face Sid, either to break his heart or to tell him that he means more to Geno than his homeland- he still doesn’t know that answer.

**November**

He’s planning for New Year’s already, planning on going out with friends from his childhood-like he’s going to be here in late December. He doesn’t want to think about the end of the lockout, about the fact he will have to go back to Pittsburgh at some point.

Natalia is still yelling at him every chance to go home and makeup with that boy. He gets a text at least once a day from a teammate, telling him how upset Sid is, about how he hasn’t left the house since Geno left, how he needs to come home.

Geno feels alone.

It’s a new thing. It felt it when he first moved to Pittsburgh, but it’s nothing he’s felt recently. He hasn’t known anyone who has been in his position before, torn between the love of his life and his country. He will figure this out, just not this month.

**December**

It’s almost Christmas when he get a text from Sidney. It’s the first one in nearly a month- Geno was starting to get worried he was going to forget about him. It’s a picture of the Christmas tree, set up where they’ve had it every year since moving in together, in the corner where the armchair goes. Dixie lays at the base of it, chewing on a toy that Geno hasn’t seen before, and Sid’s feet are resting on the coffee table. Geno stares at the photo- trying not overanalyze it, but it does notice that their picture are still up on the mantel- he can see the cup picture in the corner of the photo.

He misses Sid.

Sid still thinks he’s coming back.

Geno doesn’t respond- just like the hundreds of texts before hand, but he does go downstairs to find Natalia.

_“I go home.”_ He states upon entering the kitchen, where she’s making dinner.

_“You are home, little bear.”_

_“No. Pittsburgh, home. Sid, home.”_ Natalia nearly drops the potatoes she’s peeling to look at her son.

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yes.”_

Natalia throws her arms around her youngest son, holding him close to her. She knows that this might be the last time she sees him, the last time that she gets to hold him in her arms.

_“I love you.”_ Geno presses a kiss to the top of her head.

_“I love you too.”_

**December 24th**

It’s Christmas Eve and maybe landing back in Pittsburgh on this day was bad planning on his behalf, but he wants to be back home for Christmas, so here he is, in the freezing cold, standing on his own doorstep, trying to find the courage to knock. Once he finds the ability to move his hand, he rings the doorbell, listening to Dixie’s barking as she inevitably runs towards the front door in an effort to find out who is breaking the silence of the house. It’s early, Geno knows that, but he’s not sure if Sid’s awake yet, what if Sid’s asleep and he’s forced to stand out---

“G?” Sid said as he rubs his eyes in an effort to try and wake up. Once Sid is able to look up with both eyes, he wraps his arms around Geno’s neck, pulling him as close to him as possible.

“I sorry, Sid, I so sorry.” One of them is crying, and Geno’s not sure which one of them it is. He drops his bags and pulls Sid even closer to him, reminding himself of what he missed for five months. “I love you. Love you much.” He can feel Sid nod against his chest and Geno just holds him for even longer.

Neither of them says, do or move for what feels like hours, but eventually, the cold gets to both of them and Sid pulls Geno into the house- their house. It’s the first time Geno’s gotten to look at Sid. He looks awful. He hasn’t shaved in what looks like months, he’s lost weight, hasn’t kept up with his normal workout routine and definitely hasn’t been on the ice for at least two weeks.

Sid pulls him into the living room and it looks just like the picture Sid sent- everything looks the same as it did when he left. They both settle into the couch, sitting hip to hip but Geno knows that they need to have this conversation before tomorrow.

“Why?” It’s the only word Sid has said since Geno arrived home, but it’s the only one he needs to say.

“Got scared. Knew that if you want to come out I choose between you and Russia.” Sid looks over at him, his eyes wide as he takes in the reason the Geno left so quickly.

“G, no, you don’t have to- we don’t have to come out.” Geno holds up his hand, taking a deep breath while he did so.

“I choose you. I choose Sid. Russia don’t love me like Sid love me.”

The get the phone about the lockout being over two weeks later and they come out after their home opener that season.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [ tumblr ]()


End file.
